scarred101

havent wrote in here in a long while.

here is an update~

i got my new collar. got it awhile back. i love it. took 6 weeks to make and shipped from germany but it was well worth it.
once i take a picture of it i will posted it here.

fathers day is coming up soon. what to get Master? yes i do consider Him my dad. Master/dad/god,etc to me. He took me in literally. He did save my life literally. i look up to Him. He does everything that a dad does to his daughter. my biological dad died when i was young. Master dont have to be my biological dad to be my dad.


what to get Him? i will figure something out.

this is a journal about my life as a slave. its not entertainment for you guys at all. its for me and people who like reading about another slaves life. i dont really give a shit if its not for you. i love the bdsm lifestyle and that all that matters.

everyone has there own opinions about the lifestyle. but if they are negative then do keep them to yourself. i dont really care to hear about negative opinions. my life is postive and i would like it to stay like that.


plus if you think negative comments affect me in anyway then you are so wrong.  you dont have to read my entrys so why do you.

1st entry in this journal well its more like a updated version of the journal i had before. last journal i let it go down hill. i have reliezed since then i need to keep a diary/journal, just for Master and others but for myself. it lets me talk about things i would normally never talk about face to face, well unless someone brings it up.  i promise i wont let this journal go down hill. if i do someone tell me

i do also have another journal on here but its a vanilla one.

all i want is this house perfect for Master. i feel like i cant give Him it. i want to so bad clean the house and just make it perfect but just thinking of it hurts me.i have a picture in mind of what the house should look like but i just cant clean it and keep it that way. i dont know where anything goes so its had to clean. what should i do? i just want the house to be perfect for Master. i know how and what it should look like. but just thinking of it makes me cry/sad/depressed, so i feel down. i know once it gets the way i want it to be, i could keep it up. but the problem is just getting there. once i am there, i can stay that way. i will do anything for Master. i will clean this house even if it kills me. i will stand/run in front of a bullet for Master. He means more to me then anyone else did in my life. so i want to make Him happy. but why cant i just clean the house, drive to do errands. why why why. all my life i was wondering what my rule was on this planet and i have found it but why cant i do it. my rule is being Master's slut/slave. but why cant i just do it. i want this house clean. i want to clean. whats holding me back? why cant i just do it? maybe getting a maid will help me out but how does the maid know where to put anything if i dont know where it goes. maybe having a Mistress that helps me during the day. keeps me in place when i dont obey.

*thought about*

yeah maybe a Mistress will do. have one come over during the day or something. dont know how Master would like that though. but i want to make this house tip top shape for Master. a Mistress would keep me on top of it. i need strictness in my life. Master gives me that when His not working. but what about when His at work.yes i know, He displinces me when He gets home from work when things arent done but maybe i just need that right then and there.